I really wish I was the kind of writer who so fully believes in themselves that they hand over their books for people to read and say, "I wrote this, you'll love it." Instead, I fall into the category of writer who tells people I'll let them read it and then I put it off for as long as possible. And then when I do finally give in, I make sure I don't have to see them for a while, so I don't have be face-to-face with someone who may hate my book. It's an on-going joke with everyone I know that when my books are (fingers crossed!) published, I'll be hiding under my bed.
I mean, I love my books, and obviously I thought they were pretty okay enough to query agents and now I actually have one, but oddly, this has done nothing to squelch the self-doubt that I usually deal with. For instance, I've been reading through older WIPS because my agent wants to see them and multiple times this week, I've been positive that she'll read them and be all, "Now that I've thought about this, I've changed my mind."
I was smiling while reading an e-mail the other day and my mom saw me and asked why I looked like a crazy person smiling at my phone. My answer? My agent had just e-mailed me back, and obviously still wanted to work with me because of the e-mailing.
I'm not joking, guys. This is my life.
I'm not saying it hasn't been very life-affirming to have someone love my books as much as I do and to believe that I have enough talent to want to work with me long-term, but when does the self-doubt stop? Or does it? Are all writers just really fragile?
I bet it doesn't. I bet we are. Good grief.
So anyway, this is the glamorous life of someone who just signed with an amazing agent! Which, by the way, I'm still super, super excited about. Don't let all of the self-doubt whining fool you, I'm pumped. I'm just also nervous. Hopefully it's normal. If not, well... I don't know.
In other news, I'm reading REBOOT by Amy Tintera and GOOD LORD, is that book good. I'm hoping to finish it today because I have to work all weekend. It definitely gives me jealous I-wish-I'd-thought-of-that feelings, but it's so good that I'm not sure I could have done it better. It's a must-read, so go ahead and add it to your TBR pile!
Okay, that's it. Feel free to leave comments about your self-doubt to make me feel normal. Don't be shy!